Neither Up Nor Down

The Grand Old Duke of York

saw thirty thousand dead

he hoped that it was the top of the hill

and they’d come straight down again.

And when they went up they went up

and when they went up it was sad.

But when they started down again

He sighed and thought it was good.

And when they were up they were up

But when they were down were they down?

And when they were only half way up

Were they either up or down?

And when they were up we were sad

And when they were down we were glad

But when they were only half way down

We all gave up and relaxed.

The Grand Old Duke of York

Saw thirty thousand dead

And when they reached the foot of the hill

Would they start back up again?

#SecondWave?

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat

Where have you been?

Stuck home in lockdown

glued to a screen.

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat

What did you see?

Much too much netflix

Endless TV.

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat

Are you still there?

Pretty much yes

Still stuck in a chair.

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat

What happens next?

Getting out soon

They’ve developed a test.

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat

Will normal resume?

Not sure it will yet

Not any time soon.

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat

Any regrets?

How can there not be?

Too many deaths.

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat

They did their best

Then how come our death rate

Is worse than the rest?

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat

What can I say?

The truth will out one day

and someone will pay.

Poor Old Michael Finnegan

There was an old man called Michael Finn-egan,

He wore a mask upon his chin-igan,

Someone sneezed and made him ill again

Poor old Michael Finnegan Begin-again.

There was an old man called Michael Finn-egan,

He kicked up an awful din-igan.

Said there was no social distanc-in

Poor old Michael Finnegan. Begin-again.

There was an old man called Michael Finn-egan,

Exercised and tried to win again.

Got so puffed he had to come in again.

Poor old Michael Finnegan. Begin-again.

There was an old man called Michael Finnegan,

Stayed inside a drinking gin again.

Couldn’t work or earn his tin again

Poor old Michael Finnegan. Begin again.

There was an old man called Michael Finnegan,

Policeman asked where he had been again.

He said Durham there and back again,

Poor old Michael Finnegan. Begin again.

There was an old man called Michael Finn-egan,

Went to the beach to see the sea again

Caught the sun and burned his skin-igan,

Poor old Michael Finnegan. Begin-again.

There was an old man called Michael Finn-egan,

He got a cough and was really ill again.

Couldn’t taste a bloomin’ thing again.

Poor old Michael Finnegan. Begin again.

Goosey goosey gander

Goosey goosey gander,

Got you on a tracker

Wither will you wander?

Who will you meet?

Goosey goosey gander

What if you philander

In my lady’s chamber

Where you shouldn’t be?

Goosey goosey gander

Wither will you wander

Upstairs, downstairs

Where you shouldn’t go?

Goosey, goosey gander

Who do you think you’ll meet?

If you meet an old man

He’ll not have a prayer

Take him by the left leg

And throw him down the stair.

They’re opening up the shops

Hickory, dickory, dock.

They’re opening up the shops

The clock struck one

The numbers down

Hickory, dickory, dock.

Hickory, dickory, dock

You can’t see grandma yet

The pubs are closed

You can buy clothes

Hickory, dickory, dock.

Hickory, dickory, dock

You can’t get hair cuts yet

The barber’s closed

But who needs those?

Hickory, dickory, dock.

Hickory, dickory, dock

See strangers in a shop

Can’t go to gran’s

Unless you’re Dom

Hickory, dickory, dock.

Hickory, dickory, dock

Now you can buy a car

Go for a trip

But not to the beach

Hickory, dickory, dock.

Hickory, dickory, dock

Don’t  take a ball to the park

You’re fine playing golf

No football allowed

Hickory, dickory, dock.

Simple Simon met Dom Cummings

Simple Simon met Dom Cummings

on a thoroughfare

Said Simple Simon to Dom Cummings

‘Sir this isn’t fair’.

Said Dom Cummings to Simple Simon

Your questions are too many.

Said Simple Simon to Dom Cummings

Indeed I’ve not asked any.

Said Simple Simon to Dom Cummings

What must we all do?

Says Dom Cummings to Simple Simon

Just obey the rule.

Said Simple Simon to Dom Cummings

I’ll just do as you do.

Says Dom Cummings to Simple Simon

There’s different rules for you.

Said Simple Simon to Dom Cummings

That doesn’t sound too fair.

Said Dom Cummings to Simple Simon

We don’t really care.

How many miles to Durham town?

How many miles to Durham town?

Two hundred plus two score and ten

Can Dom get there by candlelight?

Seems he thinks he can.

Will Boris look the other way?

Yes, they’ve got his back.

His heels are nimble

his toes are light

It won’t get him the sack.

Rules are meant for other folk

Rules aren’t meant for him

He can travel wherever he wants

You can’t see your gran.

Spread the virus seems he can

Up and back again

How many miles to Durham Town?

Two hundred plus two score and ten.