It’s time for me to to break my long silence on a sensitive topic. Loyal followers will be acutely aware that I was overlooked this summer in my quest to be the United Kingdom’s next Poet Laureate. I had hoped that my close association with Her Majesty the Queen, living, as I then did just across the river from her, would have swung the decision in my favour but sadly it was not to be. It seems that, despite the commitment I demonstrated to producing verse for royal occasions my little ditties were not quite what Her Majesty or the lackies surrounding her were seeking.
I thought the country could do with cheering up a bit but they obviously didn’t agree. Now that we have a comedian for our Prime Minister, and a majority of the country seem sufficiently entertained to want him returned to office, I assume we bards have to strike a more serious note.
I can not pretend that the slight was unexpected but frankly the rejection was harder to take than I’d expected. It’s rather like applying for a job you weren’t sure you wanted. You try to tell yourself you don’t care when they don’t want you but there’s something about the act of applying that convinces you you wanted the job even if any first you weren’t sure.
I thought my collected royal poems in the aptly titled, Begging Your Pardon : Please Can I Be Laureate? might have swung things but sadly they didn’t seem to. The volume is still available on Amazon for anyone who may have missed it but frankly it’s time for me to move on and focus on other things. Hopefully there literary juices will start to flow again and I’lll be back to myself in 2020 but my association with the royal family is I’m sad to say at an end.
It’s with some regret that I dissociate myself from royal associations but, given my namesake Prince Andrew’s single handed attempt to ensure our name “Andrew’ will not make the top ten boy’s names for 2020, it’s probably the right time.
I think I will be better off foregoing royal patronage and striking out on my own. To reinforce the separation we have sold our house across the river from Her Majesty and moved to a new property down river in Maidenhead where I shall be licking my wounds in the parliamentary constituency of our former Prime Minister, the Rt. Hon Theresa May, who knows a little about rejection herself. I’m not quite certain what comes next but watch this space for news of new beginnings.
I’ve finally had a job offer from Buckingham Palace! I’m a little surprised and confused because it’s not quite the job I’d hoped for. You’ll know I hope that I have offered myself as the next Poet Laureate. Sadly there has been no news on that front but another opportunity has come up.
I’ve received correspondence, via an agency I forgot I’d ever registered with, offering me a job in ticket sales. Slightly left field but maybe Her Majesty is dropping a hint I need to get a foot in the door and work my way up? I’d have preferred ‘fast track’ given my advanced years but you have to start somewhere. I’ll share the details here in case any one else is interested.
We are sending you this mailing because you are registered on the UK’s leading website for over 50s jobseekers.
The Royal Collection Trust has posted a new job opportunity which may be of interest to you.The employers are particularly interested in receiving applications from people aged over 50. The details are shown below.
Please accept our apologies if your experience or interest lies elsewhere. We’ll be sending new opportunities in the next few weeks.
It’s being part of the team who deliver an exceptional visitor experience.
It’s the collaboration and the community spirit. And it’s helping millions enjoy magnificent buildings and beautiful art.
This is what makes working for Royal Collection Trust so different.
When the doors of Buckingham Palace’s glorious State Rooms are opened to the public each August and September, hundreds of thousands of people come to visit. As part of an outstanding and friendly team, you’ll make their experience special.
Whether you’re selling the ticket that starts it all, making things perfect on the day, or providing the outstanding retail service at the end, you’ll make every visitor feel welcome and valued.
You’ll answer their questions, provide information, and always aim for the highest possible levels of visitor care and security.
Friendly, outgoing and professional, with the ability to communicate well with all kinds of people, you’ll fit right in.
You’re an outstanding team player, cool and calm under pressure, and able to work flexibly and effectively even when things get busy.
For our Retail and Ticket Sales roles, an ability to engage with customers to meet sales targets is important too, as well as numeracy and a good level of computer literacy.
Above all, you know what it takes to create the kind of customer experience that leaves a lasting and positive impression.
This is your opportunity to use your personality and customer service skills to deliver the exceptional.
Royal Collection Trust is committed to equality of opportunity.
Pay: £10.55 per hour, plus lunch and training provided
: A minimum of 300 hours for the duration of the contract. You will typically be rostered to work over 4 or 5 days per week, Monday to Sunday
, including regular weekends.
To see more about this role and Apply please click Here.
Why did the Kings bring stupid gifts
Like gold and myrrh and frankincense?
I guess us men just hate to shop.
Thy couldn’t use the internet
Or google it for baby things.
They should have left it to their wives.
Who’d leave shopping down to Kings?
Although it’s said that they were wise
What man’s wiser than his wife?
Don’t overspend this Christmas.
Don’t get yourself in debt.
Don’t overspend this Christmas.
There really is no point.
You escalate your spending
And others spend more too.
They’re spending money
they haven’t got
and getting in debt for you.
Be nice to your friends and neighbours
Spread good cheer with a smile
But don’t go overspending
It’s really not the point.
Simple gifts from shepherds
Symbolic ones from Kings.
It’s not how much the present costs
It’s all the little things.
It’s spending time together
The kindness and the fun
Don’t overspend this Christmas
But have fun everyone.
Was I the only kid that ever got scared
That in dead of night a man in red,
With hidden face and long white beard
Would come and crawl around my bed?
I shut my eyes and kept them tight
I partly did so out of fright.
I had been warned I shouldn’t wake
But found it hard to sleep that night.
Bring me presents but Santa please
Drop them quietly then just leave.
Don’t come creeping round my bed
I hardly know you when all’s said.
I am the Christmas Ghost
I haunt the end of year
I am a chill in the air
A creak on the stair
A feeling ‘something’s there’.
I’m a frisson of fright
I’m a shiver of fear
Or a face seen in the fire.
I dim your Christmas candles
I’m the spectre at your feast.
But when nights are dark
It’s cold outside
And you’re huddled round the fire
Someone will invite me in
With a call for a ghostly tale.
So why do you summon the Christmas Ghost
To blunt your Christmas cheer?
It’s hard for a spirit to know men’s minds
But I guess it’s something like this:
I’m a hint there’s more than you can know
I’m hint of a life beyond
I’m a hint of things as they were before
I’m a hint of bygone times.
I join you up with those long gone
The ones you’ve loved and lost
But most of all I’m a good excuse
For a huddle round the fire.