Hurrah for Little England

From an original version published on the eve of the Brexit vote.

 

Hurrah for Little England

She cast herself adrift

Say goodbye to Brussels

We’ll head into the mist.

 

Don’t know where we’re going

The captain’s overboard

But we won’t be ruled by foreigners

Or people from abroad.

 

We’ll resurrect our Empire

They’ll surely want us back

So it’s goodbye to the future

We’re turning back the clock.

 

No need for foreign factories

No need for all those jobs

For life will just be perfect

With all the foreigners gone.

 

We’ll reclaim all our colonies

Take America back;

Canada and New Zealand

They’ll surely all want that?

 

Goodbye foreign subsidy

That’s not what we need

Londoners will pay for us

Let’s let London bleed.

 

Goodbye banks and bankers

We don’t need city jobs

Life will just be perfect

When Britain’s on its tod.

 

It really should be easy

Why the awful fuss?

Those beastly Europeans

Make it hard for us.

 

It’s really not your business

We won’t obey your rules.

Why do you think as customers

You have the right to choose?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Love your English accent

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You love my English accent

But that leaves me confused.

You don’t tell a French speaking Frenchman

His accent’s awfully cute.

 

I’m from England; speaking English.

The clue is in the name.

I don’t think I have an accent

Whatever you may claim.

 

If someone has an accent

I’m rather afraid it’s you.

I’m just speaking proper English

It’s what we English do.

 

So tootle pip for now old bean

And off we jolly go.

I’m speaking my own language

It’s English don’t you know?

The day we met William and Harry

 

2641AE12-A4C1-40FE-AC85-46C95B7C6885The day we met William and Harry

They came to the end of our road.

Datchet was under water

The Thames was in full flood.

 

We’d water in the high street

We’d water in our house

The Press were on every corner

And the army had been sent out.

 

The next thing we knew

The royals waded in

Helping with sandbag walls.

Harry and William they were both there

There at the end of our road.

 

Harry was in with the soldiers

Laughing and one of the lads

William apart and quieter

When they paused

From their chosen task.

 

I joined the line

Threw them sandbags

Even shook Williams hand.

They were decent lads

I liked them

Though life has set them

Apart.

Royal Superfans

Royal Superfans - Harry and Meghan's Royal Wedding.
Royal superfans preparing for Harry and Meghan’s Wedding.

And now they’ll come; the sycophants

In silly hats and draped with flags

Sleeping out for several nights

To save their place on Windsor streets.

 

They take it all a bit too far

We’re half amused yet half appalled

To view the strange exotic hoards

That gather now round Windsor’s walls.

 

We’re local, we’ll go. We’ll  line the streets

To catch the buzz, the grand parade,

The marching bands, the passing waves

But we won’t go wild like such as these.

 

It’s history, tradition it’s what we do

It’s part of what makes us who we are.

But keep it all in sane proportion.

You’re overboard, you go too far.

 

We know it’s eccentric, slightly wrong

But like it enough to carry on.

The royals are trapped as much as us

We’ll party on but please, no fuss.

 

Royal Superfans, Windsor Castle, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's Wedding.
Two days to go but the royal superfans are already in place.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ladders

I’m really great with ladders

I can get right to the top

Some of you get nervous

But me I go straight up.

 

At height I’m totally fearless

And I clamber up so quick

I slide down just as quickly

At really quite a lick.

 

I’m great at going up them

I’m great at coming down

But I have a bit of a problem

With doing stuff once up.

 

I’m not much use up a ladder

Not much use on the floor

So maybe I’ll just hold the thing

For you to get stuff done?

Poem for the Royal Wedding

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It’s three cheers for Harry,

And three cheers for Meghan

Forget about the national state

And celebrate a wedding.

 

Everything’s red, blue and white

Church bells are a-ringing

Everyone is on the street

And all the choirs are singing.

 

Got no time for grumpy folk

We’re overdue a party

Happy tears run down our cheeks

Our cheers are loud and hearty.

 

Politicians all poe-faced

None of them invited

Not been much to shout about

But now we’re all excited.

 

Meghan is a clever girl

Seen her on the telly

Bound to shake things up a bit

And add a bit of welly.

 

William is the one day king

Lesser role for Harry

But he’s found a super bride

He’s no need to worry.

 

Carriage round the Windsor streets

When will they get started?

Band strikes up a marching tune

Couple have departed.

 

Dad is anxious, checks his watch

Glad it’s finally started

Catch the footie on the box

Once the crowds have parted.

 

Harry had a hard time

Now his life looks better

Found a girl who suited him

He’s a lucky beggar.

 

Waspy women from the shires,

Their disappointed daughters

Harry picked a royal bride

From across the water.

 

It’s three cheers from loyal throats

It’s three cheers for Meghan

We all think the Prince deserves

A little slice of heaven.

 

It’s no go the politics

It’s no go the future

All we wants a good day out

And focus on the couture.

 

Enjoy the party while you can

Enjoy the party poppet

Forget what’s coming down the line

There is no way to stop it.

 

We all fell out; we don’t agree

The nation is divided

Today we choose to celebrate

And carefully avoid it.

 

So catch a smile from Harry there

And catch a wave from Meghan

Soldiers in their bright red coats,

A-marching to the wedding.

 

Britain’s got it’s heritage

Our history is behind us.

Days like this we still do well

Against the odds they bind us.

 

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My long awaited poem

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My long awaited poem

Will be coming very soon.

Carol Ann’s not done one

So mine will have to do.

I didn’t get £200 a year

Or the butt of canary wine

But Carol Ann’s not done one

So it’s all come down to me.

It’s down to a Windsor poet

To knock one out this time

I’m not a royal sycophant

My work’s not always elegant

But I can, occasionally, rhyme.

So forgive me Poet Laureate

No offence is meant;

A little offering of my own

I hope you won’t resent.

I struggle with pentameter

Am really just an amateur.

It’ll be a bit Dee dum, Dee dum

But at least I can say I’ve written one!

 

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