I went to Windsor Castle




I went to Windsor Castle 

To show the Queen my book.

I thought I saw the curtains twitch

But maybe I’m mistook.

The flag was flying as we came

But then they whipped it down

I thought I heard a lackey say,

“That bloody man again”.

She doesn’t have to buy the thing

Just maybe take a look

I’m up for being Laureate

It’s why I wrote the book.

I’m often out in Windsor

But seldom see the Queen

It seems that she’s avoiding me

And hides when I am seen.

Begging Your Pardon – Please Can I be Laureate? is available as a paperback or for kindle on Amazon.

The Wedding

You’ll have heard about the wedding

For us there’s no getting away

For weeks the bunting’s been flying

The flags are flapping away.

There’s commonwealth, there’s horses

The usual Windsor displays.

But the real big one to pull them all in

Will be the wedding day.

Some hiring out their houses

Some have people to stay

It’ll be a historic occasion

Whatever else you say.

We know about road closures

And where to see the bride

Where they’ll put the big screens

The route to stand beside.

The whole things on our door step.

We’ll kind of get sucked in.

I’m supposed to write a poem for it

So guess I better begin.


The Royal Flag


There’s a flag over Windsor Castle
To show if the Queen’s in or out.
The Union Jack flies if she’s not in
Her very own flag if she is.

It’s hard for the common people
To know how hard royal life can be
For to haul up a flag
When you go out or come in
Is really an an awful drag.

Imagine the situation
If the Royals go out
For the day, but see,
Out their car’s rear window,
That the flag is still flapping away.

“Bloody hell” says the Queen to Phillip,
“We’ll have to turn right round.
We can’t let them think we’re in when we’re out
You’ll have to get the damn thing down.”

So they have to go back and sort out the flag
You can see what a drag that must be
If they’re out for the day
But the flag’s up its pole for everyone to see.

Queen Elizabeth my neighbour


Liz from up the hill

Have you met my neighbour
Liz from up the hill?
She likes to walk her corgis
Husband’s name is Phil.

Curtsy when you meet her;
Seems that is the drill.
She may not have her crown with her
But ask her and she will.

The Castle’s really handy
For all the Windsor shops.
If ever she runs out of stuff
Across the road she pops.

She likes to wear a headscarf
It acts as a disguise
In case the folk of Windsor
Disturb her while she buys.

Her favourite shop, just near her
Is Windsor’s new T. Max
You’ll often find her in there
Going through the racks.

She never carries money
Or so I’ve heard them say
I guess they have to send a bill
For someone else to pay.

If ever you bump into her
She’ll ask you what you do
They’re short her conversations
And very quickly through.

It’s not that she’s unfriendly
She’ll always give a wave
She’s up for doing walkabouts
But privacy she craves.

You’re always very welcome
If ever you’re in town
You’ll have to pay and join a queue
But then she’ll show you round.

You’re free to poke around the place
Gawp at what they own
The only thing you won’t see is
The Queen upon her throne.

Phillip can get grumpy
And doesn’t find it funny;
Visitors bursting in on him
But he knows they need the money.

The castle’s nice and roomy
But that means lots of bills
The other royals pitch in to help
And take turns on the tills.

Sometimes it can get too much
And out the back Liz slips
The Long Walk down to Ascot
Is Liz’s favourite trip.

She really loves her horses
And used to love to ride
The family’s somewhat horsey
That can not be denied.

She’s got too old for riding
She’s ninety so I’m told
Would love to saddle up again
But ninety is too old.

She won’t think of retiring
Though Charles thinks that she should.
They badly need her salary
Or else perhaps she would.

They’re quiet considerate neighbours
You seldom hear them row
There’s lots more I could say of them
But that’s your lot for now.