Shoplifting Down!

We can’t let up on lockdown

It’s helping to fight crime

The incidence of shoplifting

the lowest of all time.

Shutting all the shops up

Has really done the job

And no footie hooligans

Or loud unruly mobs.

They’ve put an end to bar fights

By closing all the pubs

Loving all the numbers

Except, perhaps, the deaths.

So focus on the good news

And don’t make too much fuss

It’s pretty hard for criminals

And not just all of us.

I went to Windsor Castle

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I went to Windsor Castle 

To show the Queen my book.

I thought I saw the curtains twitch

But maybe I’m mistook.

The flag was flying as we came

But then they whipped it down

I thought I heard a lackey say,

“That bloody man again”.

She doesn’t have to buy the thing

Just maybe take a look

I’m up for being Laureate

It’s why I wrote the book.

I’m often out in Windsor

But seldom see the Queen

It seems that she’s avoiding me

And hides when I am seen.

Begging Your Pardon – Please Can I be Laureate? is available as a paperback or for kindle on Amazon.

Begging Your Pardon – Please Can I Be Laureate?

My new book ‘Begging Your Pardon – Please Can I Be Laureate?’ is a humorous collection of royal poems pushing the merits of a local Laureate who could pop round to the Castle with a poem whenever the occasion demands it. 

The UK’s current Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy will be standing down soon at the end of her ten-year stint. A distinguished committee of experts will be making recommendations for a new Laureate to be appointed from May 2019. Some well known poets have made clear they don’t wish to be considered but I am available and willing and would aim to bring a lighter touch to the role.

I won’t be too disappointed if they go for someone else. My poems are more for fun than to be taken seriously; affectionate but slightly irreverent.

The book is a light hearted look at what it’s like to live as a close neighbour of the royals in an imagined Windsor where locals regularly rub shoulders with royalty. It would make an ideal stocking filler for locals with a sense of humour.

I’m hoping Windsor’s newest residents Harry and Meghan will want a copy as there are several poems about their wedding.

Begging Your Pardon is available now on Amazon as a paperback or for Kindle.

Free Delivery if you order Begging Your Pardon by 5th December!

The big day has arrived! Begging Your Pardon is now available on Amazon and this week only there is free delivery. So get those Christmas orders in now!

Follow these steps to make sure you receive free delivery.

STEP ONE – Eligible items dispatched by Amazon will display FREE DELIVERY next to the item price.

STEP TWO – Enter the promo code FREEDELIVERY and select Standard Delivery at checkout.

STEP THREE – your items will be dispatched 1-2 business days after all your items are available for dispatch. 


From 29th November to 5th December, all Amazon customers can enjoy free standard delivery, with no minimum purchase amount, when they use promotional code FREEDELIVERY at checkout. The promotion applies to all items listed as “dispatched” or “fulfilled” by Amazon on the product detail page and is available for millions of items with no minimum order amount, including top gift ideas like toys and electronics, as well as home items, fashion and more. The promotional code can be used multiple times throughout the Free Delivery Week promotion. 

Learn more here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/freedeliveryweek.


Order your copy of  Begging Your Pardon now.

Now available on Amazon.

Begging Your Pardon

5BDFD72F-DE0C-40AC-86D5-0C8EC73F09CFJust when I’d given up and all seemed lost I hear Carol Ann Duffy is nearing the end of her stint and the Poet Laureate job is up for grabs again.

Some of you will know I live near Her Majesty and have offered more than once to help out but so far my offer to knock out verse for all the big occasions has fallen on deaf ears.  I do my bit from time to time but, up to now, without recognition. I’ve offered to drop round to the Castle for an interview but have still not heard anything.

Anyway it seems Carol Ann Duffy’s ten year stint is coming to an end and they need a new Laureate. They’ve started to take suggestions and a new appointment will be announced in May.

It’s a well known fact that the best known poets all turn it down but I’m willing and, current low spirits aside, churn verse out almost daily. So coming up with the odd one for Her Majesty would be no problem at all.

I’d already decided to give it one more shot when the exciting news emerged the Carol Ann will soon be winding down. Fortunately I have a new book in the pipeline re-emphasising my interest and setting out my credentials.

I’m excited to announce that, ‘Begging Your Pardon: Please Can I Be Laureate?’ will be released on Amazon soon. Sign up to Andrew Green’s poems and I’ll be sure to keep you posted!