If only I were competent

What is the greatest gift someone could give you?

In Santiago Chile

We just got here today

Two hours flying to Madrid

And thirteen hours from there.


I should have been reflecting

But thereโ€™s so much to take in

Iโ€™m such a lucky person

To be where I have been.


And now youโ€™ve caught me on the hop

Not knowing what to say

What more is there to ask for

When I have the life I have?


The thing that Iโ€™m most lacking

I fearโ€™s not in your gift

If only I were competent

And deserved the life I live.


Instead I bumble through in life

Make the most awful gaffes

Can you help me get a grip

Thatโ€™s the gift I need.

This really is a boring prompt!

What colleges have you attended?

This really is a boring prompt

The very worst of all!

How to make that interesting?

I really do despair!


Iโ€™ve got better things to do

A really busy day

I cannot see the point of this

So bidding you adieu.

If there isnโ€™t time to play – then what is our life for?

Do you play in your daily life? What says โ€œplaytimeโ€ to you?

Do I play in my daily life

You have to bet I do.

If there isnโ€™t time to play

Then what is our life for?


Itโ€™s work that makes the world go round

Thereโ€™s stuff we have to do

But once essentials have been done

There should be time for you.


Iโ€™m retired donโ€™t have to work

I still have household chores

But once theyโ€™re done

My time is mine.

There should be time to play.


My wife would say

I play too much

And leave too much to her

But I donโ€™t always see the point

Thereโ€™s no inspector calls.


Thereโ€™s not much time to play today

I nearly messed my streak.

I had to put my toys away

And get on with real life.



Another day thereโ€™s fantasy

The Fantasy Premier League

Or running round the morning streets

Like some demented kid.


What to me says โ€˜playtimeโ€™

Is any time Iโ€™m free .

You never get too old to play

You grow old if you donโ€™t.

So what will be the challenges I face in the New Year?

What are your biggest challenges?

So what will be the challenges

I face in the New Year?

First up thereโ€™s accepting

That I need to change at all.


You get to be a certain age

You get stuck in your ways.

I know Iโ€™m less than perfect

But Iโ€™ve always been this way.


You can just give up trying

Accept things as they are.

Must there always be a challenge?

Do we need to raise the bar?


Too often Iโ€™m a passenger

I do not pull my weight

I donโ€™t initiate or plan that much

I more just tag along.


Iโ€™m very bad at friendship

I fail to keep in touch

If others made no effort

Iโ€™d not go out that much.


Iโ€™d not say that Iโ€™m lazy

I do my share of work

But mostly stuff that interests me

And other stuff Iโ€™ll shirk.


Iโ€™m loving my retirement

And time to call my own

But do I have a purpose?

Iโ€™d have to say I donโ€™t.


So time for reappraisal

To think through what Iโ€™m for.

There wonโ€™t be changes quickly

But Iโ€™ll let you know the score.

Right now our biggest challenge is packing for a trip

What are your biggest challenges?

Right now our biggest challenge

Is packing for a trip.

A journey half across the world

Through different climate zones.


London, South America

Changing in Madrid.

Then Chile, Argentina,

Uruguay as well.

Falklands and Antartica

We plan to see them all.


The question is just what to pack

For different climate zones

From South American summer days

To chill Antarctic cold.


And add to that weโ€™re on a ship

And should dress up at night

A good four weeks away from home

That is a lot to pack.


Itโ€™s knowing what you ought to take

And what to leave behind.

Weโ€™ve paid for extra luggage

But still must work it out.


Not that Iโ€™m complaining

Itโ€™s one terrific trip

The last long journey weโ€™ll maybe do

Before we get too old.

Once a year weโ€™d all be Scots

My dadโ€˜s half Scots so New Yearโ€˜s Eve

You couldโ€˜nae be a sassenach

Weโ€˜d stay up late for Hogmanay

See old year out, a new one in.


Heโ€™d take a dram

And call us โ€˜bairnsโ€˜

And weโ€™d be doing Highland flings

And swirling round as if in kilts

Accompanied by the skirling pipes.


And Andy Stewart on TV

Would host the Beebโ€˜s White Heather Club

And once a year weโ€˜d all be Scots

And join in all the Scotโ€˜s laments.


Weโ€˜d keep one eye upon the clock

We might be tired but none could sleep

Before itโ€™s hands were at the top

And we had seen the New Year in.


And come the hour weโ€˜d cheer, weโ€™d hug

Our mum would give each bairn a kiss.

The arms would cross for Auld Lang Syne.

Weโ€™d sing to let the New Year in.


Then every window, every door

At dadโ€˜s insistence weโ€™d fling wide

And weโ€™d feel the chill as the old year went

And a cold wind brought the new one in.


And weโ€™d look for a neighbour

To cross our hearth with lucky coal

Weโ€™d seek a stranger dark and tall

Then luck would call.


But it often happened I recall

Sassanachs slept and none would call

Our celebration all gone flat

Weโ€™d go to bed and dad would drink.


A Happy New Year to you all Scots and Sassenachs alike!!

There is no going back

What makes you feel nostalgic?

Itโ€™s hard to feel nostalgic

And to long for what is past.

My lifeโ€˜s been episodic

And nothing ever lasts.


I do not have a childhood home

One place where I grew up

Too much of it is history

There is no going back.

JHQ Rheindahlen, Germany – once a major army base now derelict.

Former homes abandoned

Or covered with barbed wire

Abandoned Famagusta

A town that time forgot.

Famagusta, Cyprus abandoned following the Turkish invasion.

My father was a soldier

We learned to not look back.

Itโ€™s good to be reminded

But bad to have regrets.


There are people who I miss now

Who are no longer here

I think of them with sadness

For the times that we once shared.


Weโ€˜ll recreate the times we had

With those still with us now.

The best things from our former life

Weโ€˜ll try to carry on.


Weโ€˜ll still enjoy the tunes we did

The pictures that we took

But thereโ€™s no time for nostalgia

We must live in the now.

Iโ€™d have to say my wife

What relationships have a positive impact on you?

A positive relationship?

Iโ€™d have to say my wife

Since we now are both retired

Sheโ€™s seldom out of sight.


She helps to shape my every day

And kicks me into life

Organises what we do

The places that we go.


I am easy going

I live life in a dream

She will always have a plan

A stack of things to do.


Itโ€™s she who shapes our social life

Keeps me in touch with friends

And makes sure that we see our kids

As often as we can.


She always has a travel plan

Weโ€˜ve been across the world

And all the places that weโ€˜ve been

Have all been down to her.


She finds good series on TV

Plans some great days out

And often finds good tickets

For stuff to see in town.


She organises shopping

Knows the stuff we need

We could not eat the way we do

If it was down to me.


Sheโ€˜s brilliant in the kitchen

Amazing meals she makes

And always such variety

I never have complaints.


She has the greenest fingers

Thereโ€™s nothing she canโ€™t grow.

We have a pleasant garden

Grow our own food as well.


So positive relationship

Iโ€™d have to say my wife

Itโ€™s mostly just the two of us

I canโ€™t say otherwise.

I already started one – Fantasy Premier League

If you started a sports team, what would the colours and mascot be?

Green Oโ€˜The South – Fantasy Premier League

I already have a team

For playing fantasy games

The kit comes partly from my name

And favourite rugby team.


The name comes from a Scottish team

Perhaps youโ€˜ll know the one?

I picked it for the sound alike

And call them Green Oโ€˜The South.


Youโ€™ll understand the kit a bit

If you know Harlequins

A famous team in quartered shirts

That play at Twickenham.


The stripes and sleeves cerise and blue

Borrowed from the Quins

The brown and grey I used for socks

And also took from them.


I emphasised the green in the kit

Because that is my my name.

Hope youโ€™ll understand that

And not think that Iโ€™m vain.


I havenโ€™t thought of mascots

I am not quite that sad.

Perhaps as we are Berkshire based

It ought to be a stag?

We never really play of course

Itโ€™s based on real life games

Iโ€™m a sort of manager

But only in my dreams.

Iโ€˜m more European than I have ever been

How have your political views changed over time?

I once distrusted the EU

A bureaucratic mess.

Rules and regulations

That really made no sense.


Subsidies to farmers

To benefit the French

Germans in the driving seat

Or so it seemed to us.


We came late to the party

Were always on the fringe

Played the awkward partner

And constantly complained.


But come the referendum

I found my views had changed

The world is much too complex

For us to go alone.


Climate, immigration, terrorism, crime

These are problems for the world

That wonโ€™t respect our borders

And cant be solved alone.


Then there were the populists

Who pandered to our fears

I did not trust the lying words

That came from such as these.


Wealthy politicians

Whose wealth was held offshore

Wanted out of the EU

Before a change of law.


They blamed all immigration

On free movement, the EU

But folk are slowly finding out

That they werenโ€™t told the truth.


Our farmers and our fishermen

Thought they knew the score

But they got what they asked for

And they arenโ€™t rejoicing now.


Workers in the factories

Europe subsidised

Bit the hand that fed them

Common sense defied.


They say my generation

Betrayed those who are young.

But you can count me out of that

The Brexit vote was wrong.


The world is so much smaller

Than how it used to be.

Weโ€˜ve Portugese and Finns and Swedes

We call our family.


Most of us now understand

We got it badly wrong

But politicians dare not tell

The voters they betrayed.


Weโ€˜ll never get so good a deal

Itโ€™s too hard going back

But we must stay close to Europe

Nothing else makes sense.