I’d open an emporium for men who hate to shop.

If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?

I’d open an emporium

for men who hate to shop.

I haven’t got the detail yet

I need to work it out.

It’d be the kind of place

You’re quickly in and out

Not a place to dither round

You’d just get what you want.

There’d be no special offers

No wretched two for ones

Just simple items clearly priced

And something in each size.

There’d be a ban on coupons

And complicated shops

Just pay for goods, no faffing round

Or else you’ll face a ban.

We’d say please get your money out

Before you reach the till

There’s other folk with more to do

Than waiting behind you.

There’d be a ban on fitting rooms

A man’s life is too short

But maybe space to lounge around

A place of last resort.

There’d have to be a telly

Or somewhere to watch sport.

At very least good wi fi

To check up on the scores.

There’d be strict segregation

With men and women split

So men aren’t asked opinions

When clothes all look the same.

I don’t know how we’d do this

But know it must be done

Women like their shopping

But for us it is no fun!

The thing I never go without is not my mobile phone….

What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?

The thing I always have with me

And rarely go without

Is not as you might think my phone

It is my running watch.

I almost never take it off

I wear it while I sleep.

It monitors the hours I slept

If rest is light or deep.

It monitors my energy

And how much I’ve got left

Whether I should exercise

Or seek an early bed.

It monitors my heart rate

At max or when at rest

And helps me when out running

To keep an even pace.

I use it with a special app

To monitor performance

My pace and cadence, where I’ve run

And most important distance.

I like to use the Garmin coach

To help me plan my running

To see how fast I ought to run

And how to build my mileage.

It tells me when there’s messages

Or calls come on my phone.

My hearing is not very good

So useful things to know.

I only ever take it off

When in a bath or showering

And that’s when I will charge it up

To keep it up and going.

My phone is quite important

But can be left behind.

But stepping out without my watch

The last thing on my mind!

Andrew Green’s Poems : light hearted but sometimes with a serious message.

What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

My poems are light hearted

And meant to make you smile

But sometimes there’s a purpose

And a message there as well.

I read stuff that’s so serious

And really up itself

So let’s all lighten up a bit

And make each other smile.

That does not mean I do not care

Or don’t have things to say

I’m kind of old, I’ve been about

And learned things on the way.

Sometimes I’m just poking fun

At what I thinks not right

Or pointing up injustices

And bringing things to light.

Other times just sharing

Experiences from life

The things that bring me pleasure

Or the things that bring me strife.

And sometimes I’m defiant

And rage against old age

I won’t give up, I won’t give in

So keep on reading please.

There is another universe – it’s easy to step in

Describe your life in an alternate universe.

There is another universe

It’s easy to step in

The difficulty is getting back

It all becomes too real.

You’ll do the things you never did

Be like a different you

But unbeknown you lose the door

And can not come back through.

You think it’s like a bubble

And won’t affect what’s real

But ultimately your double life

Exerts a pull on you.

You’ll have conflicting loyalties

Both lives equally real.

You’ll find you are two people

And neither’s comfortable.

Inevitably there’s conflict

Life pulls you to and fro.

Inevitably there’s choices

And consequences to.

The worse thing’s indecision

Not knowing what to do.

But there’s no going backwards

You’ll find your old life’s through.

So you become a person

you don’t know how to be.

It feels like someone else’s life

Yet sadly you’re still you.

Beware the other universe

It’s not a place of play

It will exert a pull on those

Who chance to enter through.

Be careful what you wish for

There is another life

But you are just one person

And you can’t be split two ways.

Raymond Blanc’s Maison De Quatre Saison.

What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on a meal? Was it worth it?

Maison de Quatre Saison

A Michelin two star restaurant

The meal a very special treat

The food was quite exquisite.

We went there for a six course lunch

The whole thing an experience

Can’t quite remember what it cost

But more than a MacDonalds!

The food’s around two hundred each

And that’s before the wine list.

You wouldn’t do it every day

But always keep the memories.

Restauranter Raymond Blanc

So really is quite famous

The house and gardens very grand

And part of the experience.

The staff are very welcoming

And take you to the terrace

You will be looked after there

While they prepare your table.

Then in to the restaurant

With light and airy decor.

All the tables clean and white

With freshly laundered linen.

The service was just excellent

It really blew our socks off

Unobtrusive and discreet

But always there when needed.

Every course was fully explained

Each one had an expert.

This is where each bread came from

And this is how we made it.

I can’t remember every course

A few years since we eat there.

One was meat and one was fish

It struck a perfect balance.

You didn’t get a lot of choice.

Was what the chef chose for us.

But one course I can’t forget

I’ve never had a better

Strawberries prepared three ways

All the flavour – so intense

It really was tremendous.

When your done

They’ll take you out

Sit there on the terrace

Finish off with petit fours

If you’re feeling moreish.

Still the gardens to explore

Food grown for the table

It is such a good day out

Theme park for us adults.

Sitters versus standers : a critical debate

Scour the news for an entirely uninteresting story. Consider how it connects to your life. Write about that.

Sitters versus standers

A critical debate

It happened in the Orkneys

And this is how it went.

You have to stand while speaking

Or so convention says

But someone raised a motion

That claimed the right to sit.

The Chamber was divided

Provoking great debate.

The Standers would not stand for it

Opposed the right to sit.

A Councillor cited Churchill

He bothered to leave his seat

To make his famous speeches

“We’ll fight them on the beach”.

It’s a lowering of standards

The Councillor expressed

Just what he predicted

When biscuits were allowed.

Tea and coffee, custard creams!

Standards had collapsed.

The Sitters scorn his argument

Why take it lying down

They stand up for the right to sit

Declaiming with a frown.

Why can’t they sit in comfort?

It shows no disrespect.

Who thinks that the electorate

Are bothered by all that?

They had a heated argument

Then put it to a vote.

The Sitters won 11-9

The right to sit and speak.

There’s reasons why we do things

And reasons why they change

But ‘because we always have done’

Is no reason not to change

So here’s to all the Sitters

Who stood up for their rights.

Sit up and pay attention

To the right to stay sat down.

Counting up my blessings

List 30 things that make you happy.

Waking up beside my wife

Another day of life.

Good food in my stomach

A day that’s all my own.

Colour in the borders

Grass that’s freshly mown.

Birdsong in the garden

Goldfish in a pond.

Catching up with grandkids

Seeing how they‘ve grown.

Praising their achievements

Feeling very proud.

Running by a river

Knowing I still can

Being fit and healthy

for an older man.

Looking up the daily prompt

and knowing what I‘ll write.

Churning out another piece

and knowing it went well.

A winning try in rugby

A really special goal

A final sprint to beat a time

I couldn’t beat before.

Good food on the table

And knowing it’s home grown.

Time on our allotment

Fresh air, warming sun.

Seeking out new places

Seeing foreign parts

Sampling new dishes

Returning to our home again

enjoying what we‘ve got.

Counting all these blessings

And knowing there are more

Happy that you’ve read this far

And hoping you’ll want more.

Can ‘joy’ become a habit?

Describe one habit that brings you joy.

I think that pure untrammelled joy

Should take you by surprise

A sudden thrill that comes to you

In unexpected guise.

Life has little pleasures

That come to each you each day

The feel of the wind on morning limbs

First coffee of the day.

These small habitual pleasures

Can get you through your day

But ‘joy’ is such a special thing

What more can I say?

Can joy become a habit?

I don’t know if it can

But taking pleasure in small things.

I will. I know I can.

I’m curious about a ladder leaning against a wall.

What are you curious about?

I‘m curious about a ladder

Leaning against a wall

Belonging to a neighbour

It makes no sense at all.

It’s been there now for several days

And hasn’t moved at all

Why is there a ladder

Propped against your wall?

The thing that makes it stranger

Is just the day before

Neighbours gave a warning

Of strangers in the night.

Men in masks and hoodies

Were seen about at night

Checking cars and houses

It gave them quite a fright.

But far from heed the warning

The man next door to them

Left a ladder by his wall

Where burglars might get in.

We have warm summer evenings

The hottest time of year

So windows often open

And who wants ladders near?

We‘ve barely seen him up it

So God knows what it’s for

Perhaps the solar panels

Up upon the roof.

There‘s been a pigeon issue

Problems there before

It became a pigeon loft

With noise and poo and more.

So yes I’m very curious

But not enough to ask

Why’s the ladder by the wall

And how long will it last?

I gave away my favourite hat.

Write about a random act of kindness you’ve done for someone.

Nick Evans drop goal clinches victory for Harlequins over Stade Francais

I really like the whole idea

But puts me on the spot.

There isn’t much that springs to mind.

That hurts me quite a lot.

There may be random things I‘ve done

But didn’t keep the score

More likely I sit on my hands

And should be doing more.

I’ll sometimes talk to strangers

Others have ignored

But that’s because they‘re kindred souls

It have my own reward.

Random acts of charity

But usually online

Impersonal, don’t interact

So is that really kind?

There‘s one small act

That springs to mind

Though really no big thing.

A minor and impulsive act

But nominally kind?

It happened at a rugby match

A really famous one.

We really thought that we had lost

But memorably we‘d won.

The clock already in the red

And no time for mistakes.

One error and the game would end

So no room for mistakes.

We went at their line again, again

But didn’t lose the ball

Could Harlequins beat Stade Francais?

It seemed a hopeless cause.

Improbably a drop goal

Headed for the posts

Amazingly a victory

A game we thought we’d lost.

The place was in an uproar

Ecstatic English fans

Dejected looking French men

Including one young man.

We were so so happy

And they were all so sad

I gave my favourite hat away

To that unhappy lad.

I often wonder if a souvenir

Of a match that they had lost

Was really consolation

But what does kindness cost?

At least the young lad‘s father

Seemed touched by what I’d done.

I sometimes miss my favourite hat

But memorably we won!