Name your top three pet peeves.
You’re really living dangerously
To ask old gits like me.
We‘ll conjure peeves too easily
The difficulty is three.
It’s hard to pick priorities
Or rank them in a list
So here’s a few picked randomly
I’ll have a go persist.
First there is the telly
Those formulaic shows
They’re full of virtue signalling
Regardless of the plot.
They’ll feature every target group
But just to give a nod
Forget the social issues
But the numbers must add up.
Not that there’ll be Asians
Asians do not count
The quota for ethnicity‘s
Already been made up.
Worst of all the adverts
They look so very false
Casting to a formula
That never quite adds up.
If it’s sport they have to have
A female front it up.
Some of them are very good
But really – every time?
Then another peeve of mine
Is little verbal ticks.
And people who’re too lazy
To say what’s on their mind.
They’ll be like, ‘Well you know’
Although I really don’t.
They can’t be bothered to tell me
So the chances are I won’t!
They pepper conversations
With ‘you know’ and with ‘like’
Or fail to finish sentences
And simply tail them off.
So they’re like simply talking
But like with nothing to say
And I’m like hardly listening
And want to get away.
Third inconsiderate shoppers
Who carelessly block aisles
With trolleys at right angles
That no one can get past.
Or else they stop to have a chat
Right where you want to go
Oblivious of surroundings
It makes me cross you know.
I’m in charge of trolleys
It’s what I do in shops
And all my concentration’s on
Just staying out the way.
And so it is annoying
When others aren’t the same.
It puts me in a real bad mood
And that is such a shame.
Then of course there’s queuing
And getting out the store.
Why not get your money out
While waiting in the line?
Have consideration
for those queued up behind.
Did you forget you’d have to pay?
Have your money out.
But I forgot – you’ve coupons
And so much paperwork!
Not to mention catching up
And chatting with the clerk.
Blimey get me out of here
Shopping is a bore!
And while you’ve got me trapped in here
I’ve thought of number four!
Supermarkets – hell on Earth
For those who don’t hear well.
Hard enough to hear above
The wretched throbbing fridge.
But then there’s pointless musak
Why do you do that?!!
Drowning out my partner’s words
So I can’t hear at all.
I said you shouldn’t ask old gits.
I think I’d better stop.
The trouble with old age you see
Is we get peeved a lot!
Andrew Green's Poems 