The Royals and I : a statement from Andrew Green

It’s time for me to to break my long silence on a sensitive topic. Loyal followers will be acutely aware that I was overlooked this summer in my quest to be the United Kingdom’s next Poet Laureate. I had hoped that my close association with Her Majesty the Queen, living, as I then did just across the river from her, would have swung the decision in my favour but sadly it was not to be. It seems that, despite the commitment I demonstrated to producing verse for royal occasions my little ditties were not quite what Her Majesty or the lackies surrounding her were seeking.

I thought the country could do with cheering up a bit but they obviously didn’t agree. Now that we have a comedian for our Prime Minister, and a majority of the country seem sufficiently entertained to want him returned to office, I assume we bards have to strike a more serious note.

I can not pretend that the slight was unexpected but frankly the rejection was harder to take than I’d expected. It’s rather like applying for a job you weren’t sure you wanted. You try to tell yourself you don’t care when they don’t want you but there’s something about the act of applying that convinces you you wanted the job even if any first you weren’t sure.

I thought my collected royal poems in the aptly titled, Begging Your Pardon : Please Can I Be Laureate? might have swung things but sadly they didn’t seem to. The volume is still available on Amazon for anyone who may have missed it but frankly it’s time for me to move on and focus on other things. Hopefully there literary juices will start to flow again and I’lll be back to myself in 2020 but my association with the royal family is I’m sad to say at an end.

It’s with some regret that I dissociate myself from royal associations but, given my namesake Prince Andrew’s single handed attempt to ensure our name “Andrew’ will not make the top ten boy’s names for 2020, it’s probably the right time.

I think I will be better off foregoing royal patronage and striking out on my own. To reinforce the separation we have sold our house across the river from Her Majesty and moved to a new property down river in Maidenhead where I shall be licking my wounds in the parliamentary constituency of our former Prime Minister, the Rt. Hon Theresa May, who knows a little about rejection herself. I’m not quite certain what comes next but watch this space for news of new beginnings.

Her Majesty’s Christmas Headache

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One likes to chill at Christmas

Relax with family and friends.

But the wretched politicians are

Turning that on end!

 

Rip up one’s Christmas message

And start the thing again!

Whatever seasonal message

Can one’s Majesty send?

 

Struggling with the message

One had a dreadful thought

If Theresa loses her confidence vote

It’ll be down to one to choose.

 

Who will one choose

to sort the mess?

I don’t know I confess.

Corbyn, Johnson, Dominic Raab?

The country’s in a mess!

 

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1054513/royal-news-brexit-latest-news-queen-prime-minister-no-confidence-vote

 

For more insights on Her Majesty and life in Royal Windsor ‘Begging Your Pardon – Please Can I Be Laureate?’ Is available as a paperback or kindle on Amazon.

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I went to Windsor Castle

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I went to Windsor Castle 

To show the Queen my book.

I thought I saw the curtains twitch

But maybe I’m mistook.

The flag was flying as we came

But then they whipped it down

I thought I heard a lackey say,

“That bloody man again”.

She doesn’t have to buy the thing

Just maybe take a look

I’m up for being Laureate

It’s why I wrote the book.

I’m often out in Windsor

But seldom see the Queen

It seems that she’s avoiding me

And hides when I am seen.

Begging Your Pardon – Please Can I be Laureate? is available as a paperback or for kindle on Amazon.

Begging Your Pardon – Please Can I Be Laureate?

My new book ‘Begging Your Pardon – Please Can I Be Laureate?’ is a humorous collection of royal poems pushing the merits of a local Laureate who could pop round to the Castle with a poem whenever the occasion demands it. 

The UK’s current Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy will be standing down soon at the end of her ten-year stint. A distinguished committee of experts will be making recommendations for a new Laureate to be appointed from May 2019. Some well known poets have made clear they don’t wish to be considered but I am available and willing and would aim to bring a lighter touch to the role.

I won’t be too disappointed if they go for someone else. My poems are more for fun than to be taken seriously; affectionate but slightly irreverent.

The book is a light hearted look at what it’s like to live as a close neighbour of the royals in an imagined Windsor where locals regularly rub shoulders with royalty. It would make an ideal stocking filler for locals with a sense of humour.

I’m hoping Windsor’s newest residents Harry and Meghan will want a copy as there are several poems about their wedding.

Begging Your Pardon is available now on Amazon as a paperback or for Kindle.

Free Delivery if you order Begging Your Pardon by 5th December!

The big day has arrived! Begging Your Pardon is now available on Amazon and this week only there is free delivery. So get those Christmas orders in now!

Follow these steps to make sure you receive free delivery.

STEP ONE – Eligible items dispatched by Amazon will display FREE DELIVERY next to the item price.

STEP TWO – Enter the promo code FREEDELIVERY and select Standard Delivery at checkout.

STEP THREE – your items will be dispatched 1-2 business days after all your items are available for dispatch. 


From 29th November to 5th December, all Amazon customers can enjoy free standard delivery, with no minimum purchase amount, when they use promotional code FREEDELIVERY at checkout. The promotion applies to all items listed as “dispatched” or “fulfilled” by Amazon on the product detail page and is available for millions of items with no minimum order amount, including top gift ideas like toys and electronics, as well as home items, fashion and more. The promotional code can be used multiple times throughout the Free Delivery Week promotion. 

Learn more here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/freedeliveryweek.


Order your copy of  Begging Your Pardon now.

Now available on Amazon.

Changing Poets at Buckingham Palace

From an original by A.A. Milne:

They’re changing poets at Buckingham Palace –

Carol Ann Duffy’s passing the chalice

Ten years service enough for one bard.

“A poet’s life is terrible hard,”

Says Alice.

They’re changing poets at Buckingham Palace –

Andrew Green went down with Alice.

We saw a guard in a sentry-box.

“They’re guarding all the poetry books”

Says Alice.

They’re changing poets at Buckingham Palace –

Andrew Green went down with Alice.

We looked for the Queen but she never came.

“Just write her a poem all the same,”

Says Alice.

They’re changing poets at Buckingham Palace –

Andrew Green went down with Alice.

They’ve great big parties inside the grounds.

“I wouldn’t be Queen for a hundred pounds,”

Says Alice.

They’re changing poets at Buckingham Palace –

Andrew Green went down with Alice.

A face looked out, but it wasn’t the Queen’s

“She’s much too busy a-signing things,”

Says Alice.

They’re changing poets at Buckingham Palace –

Andrew Green went down with Alice.

“Do you think the Queen knows all about me?”

“Sure to, dear, but it’s time for tea,”

Says Alice.

Begging Your Pardon – Please Can I Be Laureate? – coming Friday 30th November. Available for pre order on Amazon now.

Ready to go!

I’m pleased to announce that Begging Your Pardon, my tongue in cheek bid to be considered the UK’s next Poet Laureate, is ready for release. The kindle version of ‘Begging Your Pardon – Please  Can I Be Laureate?’ is available for pre order on Amazon.com or Amazon.uk now. The paperback version will be available Friday 30th November just in time for Christmas.

Andrew Green’s new book Begging Your Pardon - Please Can I Be Laureate?
Begging Your Pardon – Please Can I Be Laureate is now available on Amazon.

Begging Your Pardon – is a humorous collection of royal poems pushing the merits of a local poet who could pop round with a poem whenever the occasion demands it. 

The current Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy is standing down at the end of her ten year stint and a distinguished committee will be making recommendations for a new Laureate to be appointed in May. Some better known poets have made clear they don’t wish to be considered and have even called for the post to be abolished but I am available and willing and would aim to bring a lighter touch to the role. 

I won’t be too disappointed if they go for someone else. My poems are more fun than to be taken seriously; affectionate but slightly irreverent. There’s a fantasy view of a Windsor where locals regularly bump shoulders with the royals,  a wry look at royal life, such as what happens when they forget to take down the flag and an increasingly desperate correspondence about the Laureate role.

I have been writing poetry for a number of years and won a local competition for my riposte to Sir John Betjeman, ‘Living Breathing Slough’. I mostly writes online and two of my collections have been featured on Wattpad where they have had more than 100,000 reads. My first published work Margaret’s Story was a biography of his mother in verse.